


Heart of Gold

by mitchmatch24



Series: Complexities of the Heart and Mind [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Angst, Bisexual Aaron Hotchner, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Heid Freeform, I told myself I would never write Heid but here I am, Inspired by Music, M/M, Porn With Plot, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, Unsub! Hotch, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:07:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29832990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitchmatch24/pseuds/mitchmatch24
Summary: AU - In which Hotch never became an agent, but rather an unsub and Spencer is lost in him.Spencer and Hotch continue on in their relationship, both utterly addicted to one another. Will the other agents of the BAU catch on? Will Hotch be caught? They don't know, their future unclear; the only thing they know was that they were lost in one another and they don't plan on letting go of each other anytime soon.*Gold and Roses AU*
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, past Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Complexities of the Heart and Mind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135328
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1. Claimed

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on making this multiple chapters, but I might give up on it and just leave it as a one shot. I'm not quite sure yet. LMK if you want more. Also, sorry if the smut is kind of meh. I had to stick with the same kind of writing so the smut is weak imo. Hope you enjoy anyways.
> 
> First chapter inspired by: Arctic Monkeys - I wanna be yours

**_"Secrets I have held in my heart,_ **

**_Are harder to hide than I thought._ **

**_Maybe I just want to be yours,_ **

**_I wanna be yours,_ **

**_I wanna be yours..."_ **

**_-I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys_ **

* * *

_“Well first,” Aaron purred, “I’m going to start by doing what I wanted to do since the very beginning.”_

_Spencer swallowed. “And what would that be?”_

_Aaron grinned, turning him around and pulling his back against his chest, hot breath caressing his neck. Aaron’s fingers brushed his hair away from his ear, his mouth brushing against it. “I’m going to mark you and make you mine,” he whispered, and Spencer couldn’t help but get turned on from the thought._

_“Please,” he begged in a whisper, wanting the exact same thing._

_“Good boy,” Aaron praised, pulling him backwards towards the bedroom._

Spencer shuddered at the praise, heat shooting through his system and working its way towards his groin. Aaron grinned even harder, taking note of the effect it seemed to have on Spencer. Aaron dragged him back through a hallway and another hallway, leading him towards a massive master bedroom overlooking downtown D.C. Aaron tossed Spencer on the bed, looking down at him with hungry eyes. They were both lost and wanton, each man trying to delve as deep into the other as possible with something as simple as a gaze. Spencer’s lips parted on a sharp breath, anticipation building inside him to the point he thought he might burst if he didn’t feel Aaron’s body all over his.

Lust hung heavy in the air between the two, arousal misting over them in the form of sweat and sound and heated, longing looks. “What do you want, Spencer?” he asked, his voice dark and sultry, leaving Spencer reeling.

Spencer swallowed. “I want you,” he declared, his voice quiet yet firm. His mind’s confliction and apprehension was leaving him with each second that passed, his conscious letting go of the moral contradictions.

“Very good,” Aaron crooned, shedding his jacket, and tossing it haphazardly on the ground. Spencer watched in awe as the man stripped, peeling back layer after layer of himself and baring it to Spencer. Once he was standing in just his black boxer briefs, he looked at Spencer, moving to where he was and dragging him to the edge of the bed by his ankles. Aaron sealed his mouth over Spencer’s, his fingers working on his vest and then his shirt, discarding them on the floor. That would usually drive Spencer insane, but he was too lustful to care. Teeth clacked against teeth, tongues sliding into wet heat and greedily searching for more. Spencer moaned into Aaron’s mouth when Aaron finally palmed him through his slacks, his cock hardening further as need grew.

Aaron pulled back, his eyes dark with sexual ferocity. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, so well, that you fucking scream for me, angel. You’ll know who you belong to by the time I’m done with you,” he threatened in a seductive purr that was tinged with decadent, dark passion. His words were powerful, just as powerful as everything else Aaron did and everything else he was. Spencer’s breath hitched in his throat, his mind stuck on the dark promise and how much he _wanted_ it.

“Please, Aaron,” Spencer whined, “I need you so bad. Please. I want to be yours.”

Aaron smiled at that, his fingers skimming up Spencer’s chest, tracing the column of his throat. “You already are, love, and don’t think for a second I’m letting you go,” he growled. His fingers flew to Spencer’s belt, unbuckling it and pulling his slacks off in one swift move. Spencer let out an absurd moan when he felt a calloused hand slip under his waistband and tease the tip of his cock. Aaron just chuckled darkly, no doubt reaping the pleasure from every single second of this encounter.

“Aaron,” Spencer said breathlessly, “I need more. Please. Please just give me more.” Aaron’s grin was predatory, and it sent more heat surging through his entire body. More. All of this was so much _more_ , and yet Spencer wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything else. Aaron pushed his briefs off and expertly extracted Spencer’s writhing body from his as well. He leaned over, opening a bedside drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube, flinging it on the bed beside Spencer as he veraciously sucked on Spencer’s skin. Spencer just absorbed the feeling, watching as his lover sucked and licked at him like he would _die_ if he didn’t.

“Mine,” Aaron growled against Spencer’s ghost white flesh, nipping and teasing, getting the man writhing beneath him so he could claim him like he had wanted to from the very beginning.

“ _Yours_ ,” Spencer moaned back, affirming the simple yet effective claim. Aaron snatched the bottle of lube from between the, squeezing some into his hand and then stroking himself, getting himself slick. He adjusted Spencer’s legs, giving him optimal space to—

“ _Fuck_ ,” Spencer groaned, arching up as Aaron rocked his erection against Spencer’s. They were stripping each other bare. Stripping each other of everything and forging a new type of feeling with the intensity of their intimacy. Spencer didn’t push the thought very far in his mind, but he wouldn’t be able to think very hard on much of anything that wasn’t his lover right now. He knew how wrong this should feel. How wrong he should feel. But he didn’t feel wrong. He felt whole. Complete. He felt inexplicably _right_. And for once he didn’t want to make himself feel wrong for feeling like he was. He wanted to embrace this broken semblance of love and conform to it. He wanted to be submerged in it.

Aaron kept rolling his hips into Spencer, watching and feeling Spencer’s body arch and tense as his breathing quickened and everything just left him. Spencer’s focus was on Aaron and Aaron alone, and Aaron was going to give him a hell of a good time just for that. He smirked as Spencer wrapped his legs around his waist and beckoned him to come impossibly closer. “Is this what you wanted, Spencer?” he asked teasingly, voice sultry and smooth, making Spencer keen.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t, the words jumbling up and not falling from his mouth as he let out incoherent noises of immense pleasure. Aaron just chuckled above him, enjoying how quickly, how easily, he could make Spencer fall apart. How Spencer was his to make fall apart. Aaron leaned down, hands planted at either side of Spencer’s head as he kept grinding his cock into Spencer’s, his teeth nipping at Spencer’s ear. “You look so fucking beautiful like this, angel. So fucking beautiful. I would watch the world burn, just to keep you like this. Just to ensure that you are mine and mine alone,” Aaron murmured. Spencer just let out another pitiful whine of need, pushing himself up to meet each and every slide of Aaron’s cock.

All of this was almost too much for Spencer. It was almost enough to send him flying of the edge of ecstasy. Aaron nipped at his earlobe, a sly, sultry smirk on his impeccable face. “What do you want, Spencer?” he asked, a hint of amusement escaping in his words, “if you want something, you have to tell me. I’m not going to do anything else unless you tell me what it is you want.”

“I want you,” Spencer whined, helpless and wanton as his lust seized him.

“What about me do you want?” Aaron purred, sucking another purple mark onto his neck.

“Aaron please,” Spencer whined again, unable to get the words out of his mouth.

“Please what, angel?”

Spencer groaned, his muscles quivering as a tremor of arousal rolled through him like a passing wave. “I want you inside me, please,” Spencer finally managed, hoping Aaron could take a hint and fuck him before it really became too much for him.

Aaron smiled, devilish but all kinds of endearing. “Anything for you,” Aaron growled, “anything. I mean it, Spencer. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.” Aaron found the lube bottle again, squeezing some onto his fingers, coating them generously. He brushed them gently over the ring of muscle, teasing Spencer lightly before slowly pushing a singular long finger inside. Spencer let out a long hiss of breath but didn’t tell Aaron to stop or slow down. Aaron watched the man beneath him carefully, his eyes becoming more and more calculated but never losing the fiery passion steadily burning underneath.

Spencer gave him a small nod in solidarity, his body becoming more and more relaxed as he got used to the feeling. “I’m alright… you can add another,” Spencer said, trying to urge him on. Spencer felt like he was dangling on a thread. Now he truly understood the urgency. The need to be as close as possible with his lover. The need to feel him. To touch him. To be _claimed_ by him.

Aaron obliged him, slipping in another lube coated finger, slowly pressing them inside and working his lover open. Spencer made himself relax a bit more, his body becoming more accustomed to the intrusion. “You’re doing so well for me, angel,” Aaron praised, taking note in the small shudders and shivers of pleasure that moved through the man, “taking my fingers so well. It’s like you were made for me. Hell, I think you were made for me. You’re perfect, Spencer.”

Spencer swallowed, letting out shaky breaths. He wasn’t in much pain. The burn of the stretch of muscle was long gone. It was the anticipation. The drawn out wait. He was finally getting what he assumed was out of his reach. What should be out of his reach. Spencer felt deep ceded relief that he was getting to have Aaron. That Aaron wanted him. They were utterly infatuated with each other, both craving each other like a drug and seeking the other out when they finally needed a fix. They were addicted to one another, a high that both needed at all times of the day but were forced to live without for so long.

It appeared that both men were done waiting.

“One more, Spence. Then I’m going to take you,” Aaron growled, pushing in another finger and working Spencer open. Spencer briefly wondered how many times Aaron had done this. If he was going to eventually get tossed out like he so often did by others. If Aaron’s words were true. Spencer pushed that out of his mind, though, as a particularly skillful crook of the fingers inside him pushed against the right spot.

Spencer’s moan was obscene, something that he thought was something only pornographic actors did. “Fuck, Aaron, right there,” Spencer breathed, his hips rolling into the next thrust of Aaron’s fingers.

Aaron leaned back down, sealing his mouth over Spencer’s, and kissing him frantically. Spencer returned the kiss, moaning into Aaron’s mouth. “I’m going to make you feel so good, the only name you’ll ever want to scream again is mine,” Aaron threatened, a dark edge to his voice that made Spencer keen and want it even more.

The word slipped out of his mouth before he could give it a second thought. “Sir, yes… please,” Spencer whimpered, writhing as Aaron’s finger continuously slammed against his prostate.

Aaron growled, sucking at his skin yet again. “Fuck angel… call me that again,” he demanded, “give me all of you.”

Spencer did as he was told, his voice breathy as he spoke, “sir, please. I need you inside me, please.”

“Good fucking boy,” he growled in response, slipping his fingers out of Spencer as he leaned towards the bedside table for a condom. Spencer just watched, trying to grasp onto any thought he could form. For once his brain seemed to be all out of whack, his thoughts finally subsiding as his focus continued to stay on Aaron. Aaron tore open the foil packet of the condom, rolling it over his cock as he positioned himself over Spencer.

“Wait!” Spencer said quickly, making Aaron go stiff as he waited for Spencer to voice his concerns or any thoughts that he didn’t want to do this. When Spencer said nothing more, Aaron quirked a brow, confused as to what he wanted.

“Yes?”

“Can we—um—can we change positions? I want you as classic missionary as we can be…” Spencer said, face flushing with shy embarrassment.

Aaron smiled, taking in the look on Spencer’s scarlet red face, “of course we can, angel. Move up to the headboard.” Spencer scrambled up the bed, Aaron following closely behind. Aaron stretched out over top of him, his raven colored hair already tousled from the ferocity of what the two had already done. “Wrap your legs around my waist, love,” Aaron ordered gently, nuzzling his nose against Spencer’s with a smile. Spencer wrapped his legs tightly around his lover’s waist, his arms looping around his neck, a small smile on his face as he took everything in, cataloguing it in his mind.

Aaron positioned himself and slowly pushed in, taking his time, and making sure Spencer was alright. Spencer gasped, his blunt fingernails digging into Aaron’s back. Once Aaron was fully sheathed inside Spencer, he stilled, keeping himself perfectly still. “I’m not going to move until you’re ready, angel,” he murmured warmly, resting his forehead against Spencer’s. Spencer weakly nodded, forcing himself to relax around Aaron’s dick. It had a been a while since he had sex with a man and since he had bottomed. Although, he wasn’t really one for sex. He really didn’t mind going without it. He was not like Derek Morgan.

They waited like that until the burn finally dissipated, pleasurably fullness being the only thing left. “You can move, sir,” Spencer whispered, noting the glitter of lust that passed through Aaron at the title. Naturally, Spencer would repeat it if he liked it that much. If he would always react like that.

Aaron groaned and pulled out before roughly thrusting back inside. Both men moaned, succumbing to the pleasure of being lost in one another. Skin slapped against skin, moans ringing throughout the spacious master bedroom. “ _Fuck_ , Spencer… you feel so fucking tight around my cock,” he growled, the noise predatory as he snapped his hips into Spencer again and again.

Spencer keened, “ _ha, sir… f-fuck Aaron_. You feel so good.”

“That’s it angel, let go,” Aaron snarled, “give yourself to me.” Spencer closed his eyes, the nip of Aaron’s teeth at his collarbone as he continued marking Spencer pushing them both closer and closer to climax.

“Wanna be yours,” Spencer whimpered.

“You _are_ mine, Spencer. You’re _mine_ ,” Aaron assured, punctuating each word with each snap of his hips and each drive into Spencer. Aaron wrapped his hand around Spencer’s throbbing erection, timing each thrust in with the jerks and twists of his hand. Spencer arched up, fucking into his fist. “That’s it, angel. Fuck my fist like a needy little whore. Show me how bad you want to fucking cum for me,” he sneered, moving impossibly faster. A small shift was all it took to have Spencer moaning uncontrollably, small pleas and shameless words spilling from the young man’s throat without a second thought.

Sweat misted their skin, the smell of intense male sex clinging to both of them. Both were breathing hard, trying to drive each other over the brink of climax. Precum beaded at the tip of Spencer’s cock, his need beginning to crest and take him over. “Please, Aaron, please,” Spencer begged.

“Please what, love? What is it you want?” Aaron asked, his voice rough like sandpaper.

“Please make me cum,” he begged shamelessly, too lost in his lover to care about how helpless he sounded.

“You can beg better than that, angel,” Aaron insisted, denying him. Spencer’s nails scraped down Aaron’s back, leaving their own marks.

“Please, sir! I want to cum for you! Please!” he nearly screamed, “Aaron, please!” Aaron’s mouth crashed into Spencer’s, his teeth sinking into Spencer’s bottom lip as he increased the speed of his strokes.

Aaron broke away, breathing hard, “cum for me, angel. Fucking cum.” Spencer screamed Aaron’s name as he came, flinging him over the edge along with his lover. He collapsed on top of Spencer’s body, his face burying into the crook of his neck as they rode out the end of their orgasms and floated on cloud nine.

Spencer closed his eyes, feeling utterly entwined in his lover’s web of dominate wonder.


	2. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He felt as thought he belonged here, in Aaron’s home, in his bed, in his presence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm... idk what to say. Another chapter. I'm still trying to figure out the plot as we go, but here we are. Sorry the chapters are kind of short, but that's how I plan on keeping them. 
> 
> LMK what you think and enjoy! Thank you for all the love thus far! <3
> 
> Song inspiration for this chapter: Where you belong by The Weeknd

**_“I'm in control, when you give me your body, yeah_ **   
**_I feel our souls burnin' up when I'm, inside of you and I_ **   
**_And I'ma leave a mark, just to remind you_ **   
**_Where you belong, baby_ **   
**_Give me your all, scream as loud as you want…”_ **   
**_-Where You Belong – The Weeknd_ **

* * *

Spencer melted into Aaron as they came down from climax, both men breathing hard from the intensity of their orgasms. Spencer felt _claimed. Owned._ Most of all he felt _understood._ There had been few instances in his life where he truly felt understood by someone on such a deep level. He felt like Aaron Hotchner was reaching into the deepest recesses of his soul and gripping them with unreckonable force. He felt as thought he belonged here, in Aaron’s home, in his bed, in his presence.

Aaron’s face was hiding in the wisps and strands of golden hair, his body draped over top Spencer’s. He pushed himself up, a lazy smile on his face that made Spencer’s stomach feel like they were filled with butterflies. “You were a very good boy for me, sweetheart. Fuck, I love you,” he praised, his voice turning to a gravely growl as he declared his love for the lithe man beneath him. Spencer’s heart fluttered, his eyes exploding with joy and unforgiving passion.

“I love you too,” Spencer murmured quietly, his lips quirking up just slightly as he tried to hide how ecstatic he felt inside. Someone loved him. Truly loved him. Aaron wasn’t a man that lied about his feelings or what he wanted. They wouldn’t be together right now if that was the case. Spencer noted the slight dilation of Aaron’s eyes when he spoke the words back, the ever so slight hitch of breath, and how his lips perked up just barely. Spencer could swoon, he loved the reaction so much. He loved how visceral it was; how _real_ it was. For once in his life someone wasn’t leading him around in circles. For once, someone genuinely wanted him for who he was, and the mystery of the man atop him made him fall harder.

“Let’s get clean and I’ll change the sheets. Judging by how you keep your apartment, cleanliness is something you’re used to. It’s something you need,” Aaron said, smacking another chaste kiss to Spencer’s lips, purposely withholding more from him. Spencer’s mind was so calm, yet it was spinning and reeling from the whirlwind of emotions he had been thrown into. He felt grounded, but he also felt unstable from the ferocity in which his emotions hit him. And, _god_ , Spencer was already _addicted._

“Thank you, Aaron,” Spencer whispered, grateful for how attentive his lover was. How attuned his lover was to his needs and his thoughts, even when he left them unsaid. It made him feel somewhat free.

 _“Is this what freedom feels like?”_ Spencer pondered silently, his hazel eyes glowing in soft light of bedroom. Aaron grinned knowingly as he pushed himself off of Spencer, saying as he walked away, “just keep thinking those thoughts, angel.” Spencer just stared as Aaron walked away and into the on-suite bathroom, his eyes glued to Aaron’s ass, mouth watering and slightly agape. Never in his life had he wanted another man so often and so badly.

He heard the sound of cabinets opening and closing and the ‘ssshhh’ sound of the shower as the water was turned on. Spencer turned his head, resting it against the pillows as he looked out the window at downtown D.C. in awe. The lights twinkled as smoke from a distant smokestack in the more industrial areas on the outskirts of the city billowed among the brightness, the moonlight filtering in through the large window, illuminating the room as well as the soft lamp light.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Aaron asked lowly, walking towards where Spencer was still lying on the bed. Spencer turned to his side, propping his head up with his elbow to get a clearer look of the bustling city below.

Spencer nodded lightly, exhaling as a new wave of calm rolled over him. “Yes, it is. I’m usually so wrapped up in my own little world, I never take the time to see the city around me,” Spencer explained, his voice as soft as the subtle light from the lamps’ bulbs.

Aaron took a seat on the edge of the bed, making sure he didn’t obstruct the young man’s view of the city. He didn’t want to see the sparks of wonder leave Spencer’s eyes. He found them too enthralling, too perfect to watch them go. Those tiny sparks, much like fireflies in the dusk of June, were marvelous and mystifying to Aaron. He outstretched a hand, running calloused palms and strong fingers along supple, soft skin. It was like a drug. Something he didn’t— _couldn’t_ —live without.

Spencer opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but he hesitated, withdrawing, and closing his mouth. Aaron furrowed his brow, lightly squeezing possessively at Spencer’s hip. “What is it, sweetheart? You have something on your mind,” he prompted gently, waiting expectantly. Aaron Hotchner was a demanding man. A dedicated, determined man. He got what he wanted, no matter the cost and when he wanted something, he didn’t stop until he got it. So in his mind, Spencer’s thoughts, his ideas… _everything_ , was something he wanted and he was willing to push as much as he could get away with to get them.

Spencer shook his head, “it’s nothing.”

Aaron’s gaze hardened, his fingers snaking upward to Spencer’s chin, gripping just enough to prompt more of a response, more of a call to action, in Spencer’s racing mind. “Tell me,” Aaron ordered, the words hard and demanding, like most of his words were.

Spencer hesitated again, opening his mouth in hopes of speaking but he abruptly shut his mouth again. The glare aimed directly at him hardened further if that was even possible. “ _Spencer_ ,” Aaron began sternly, “ _tell me_.”

Spencer relented, finally giving in to the unbendable will of Aaron Hotchner. “What… what are we? This is… so wrong! God, you’re a criminal and I’m an FBI agent! Do you know what could happen if someone ever found out about what you’ve—” Spencer rambled, panic rising in his voice as his mind raced faster and faster.

It clicked for Aaron, what he was asking. “Spencer,” Aaron said more solemnly, waiting for Spencer to go quiet and listen. Spencer immediately got the message, quieting in an instant, wide eyes fixed on Aaron. Aaron scooted closer, studying the man’s face as he stroked his thumb along his cheek. “Let go, Spencer. You drown too often in your own head. No one is going to find out about what I have done. I’ll stop if that’s what it takes for me to keep you. You come first. It sounds cliché but I _need_ you. Now that I have you, I can’t let you go. I can’t let this go,” he explained, pouring his heart and soul into every single word. Something that was very unlike his normal rigid demeanor.

Spencer nodded his acceptance, sighing in relief, “ok. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me—”

“Spencer, it’s alright to feel overwhelmed. You’ve let go more than most people do. Sometimes it takes more to get our minds to feel comfortable accepting its new version of right and wrong. In your profession, it’s black and white. With me, it isn’t because you know the truth.”

Spencer stayed silent for a few moments, minutes sliding by with ease as he took time to calm his mind and settle back into the feeling of ‘right’ again. Once he felt comfortable and at peace again, he turned to Aaron, finding the man watching him, a look of admiration on his face. “Can we shower now? The water is still running…” he asked, voice barely audible from how soft it was.

“Of course, angel. C’mon,” Aaron replied, smiling, and standing up, outstretching a hand to him to help Spencer climb off the bed. Spencer clambered off of it, shuffling behind Aaron into the large master bathroom that was nearly bigger than his kitchen. It was dark interior to match the bedroom, a theme Aaron seemed to like. The bathroom was minimalist and spacious, both a bathtub big enough for the both of them and a beautiful shower with a rain showerhead and floating doors continuing the theme. The shower was already running, the shower big enough for the both of them.

Aaron walked into the shower, Spencer following behind him and standing on the outskirts of the shower. He suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious. He had never considered himself attractive, he felt even less so standing behind the Greek-god of a man standing under the water. He wrapped his arms around his midsection, trying to hide himself. Aaron turned around after a moment, a look of confusion on his features as he looked at Spencer. “Come here, angel. You have to get under the water to get cleaned,” Aaron teased.

Spencer’s cheeks heated as he flushed with embarrassment, words lost on him. He would normally start rambling on about germs and cleaning, but he couldn’t seem to connect any thoughts to each other. His brain was split between his insecurities and mouth-watering arousal from the sight before him. When they were caught up in their frenzy of lust, Spencer couldn’t properly take the time to study all of Aaron’s body. Even though they hadn’t been too fast, it was still too fast for Spencer to take in every beautiful detail. One look at Aaron told him he trained like a soldier preparing for war. A vein popped out at his bicep and forearm, his chest defined as though it was chiseled out of stone by Michelangelo, chest hair dusting his tan skin. Spencer thought he was going to faint from the male perfection he was lucky enough to lay his eyes on.

Aaron smirked at him, understanding full well what was going on in Spencer’s head. What he was thinking. What he was feeling. He gripped Spencer’s arm, pulling him back so their chests collided, and Spencer had to grab onto him for balance. Aaron and Spencer were around the same height, but Aaron was just an inch taller. This one-inch difference didn’t seem to matter, though, as Spencer felt like he was towering over him. Aaron spun them, pushing Spencer into the wall of the shower, and caging him there like he was a predator trapping prey.

A wicked grin spread across his face as he stared down at Spencer, his tongue flicking across his bottom lip as that animalistic-like hunger grew and the heat began simmering in his lower belly. “You’re fucking beautiful, Spencer. I mean it when I say I’m addicted to you,” he crooned, voice rough like sandpaper.

Spencer swallowed; his eyes glued to the garden hose like veins popping out of the older man’s biceps. “I don’t understand your attraction to me in all honesty. Not when you look like… you,” Spencer spluttered, his face scarlet red, the red creeping down his neck.

Aaron chuckled darkly, nipping at Spencer’s ear, and licking at heated skin. “Mm… I find you incredibly attractive. You’re witty and remarkably intelligent… and then you look like this. Skinny but defined and so, so submissive,” Aaron explained lowly, lips curling as he said the last part, “you just don’t know what to do with yourself. I’ve seen so very little, but your face when you finally give your mind up is… well, it’s just too arousing to put into proper words.”

Despite the heat, Spencer shivered. “How can I not when you’re so domineering?” Spencer asked rhetorically, “you’re a walking sex god and everyone knows it.”

Another shiver of arousal. Another sultry chuckle. “I’ll warm you up, sweetheart,” Aaron promised insidiously, his hands sliding down to cup Spencer’s ass in both his palms.

With a keen smile, Spencer shrugged. “Prove it, _sir_ ,” Spencer incited, watching the fire in his lover’s deep brown eyes.

And Aaron did, not stopping as Spencer screamed his name in pleasure. Spencer didn’t want him to stop. Neither of them ever wanted to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK what you think and thank you for reading! :)


	3. Crestfallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
> 
> Enter player two. Hope you enjoy.

**_“So have you got the guts?_ **   
**_Been wonderin' if your heart's still open_ **   
**_And if so, I wanna know what time it shuts_ **   
**_Simmer down an' pucker up, I'm sorry to interrupt_ **   
**_It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of tryin' to kiss you_ **   
**_I don't know if you feel the same as I do_ **   
**_But we could be together if you wanted to…”_ **   
**_-Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys_ **

* * *

Spencer felt exhausted as he flopped back down into the master bed in Aaron’s bedroom, his hair still damp from the extended shower they had taken. From the two extra orgasms he had. He felt worn out but still his mind was becoming more and more energetic as new thoughts and feelings rushed surged inside him. Spencer had always been more emotionally closed off; he was what others would call ‘private’ or ‘independent’. In truth, he just didn’t understand how to communicate feelings as well as he could analyze and communicate facts.

His entire life was spent doing the will of others to reach some goal that for some seemed impossible. He had never fit into any crowd, never fitting in any group or type. He had always been alone… well, maybe besides his mother, but the hollow numbness of loneliness seemed to follow him when she became more manic and difficult to handle. Spencer vividly remember the emotions the day he had her institutionalized. He remembered how guilty he was—how guilty he _still_ is—about what he had done. Once his father had walked out, it was all he could do to make sure he took care of his sick mother, all while his resentment grew for his absent father.

Spencer chuckled humorlessly to himself, his so called ‘daddy issues’ being part of the reason Aaron Hotchner was so innately attractive. A dominate older man that seemed to have his life together and understood Spencer. It was bound to be dangerous… and it was. It was almost _too_ dangerous for Spencer’s taste, but now he had a taste of Aaron’s love, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go. He wanted more of it, so he was willing to be reckless. He was willing to overlook to consequences just this once.

Maybe not this once. Spencer’s thoughts flicked to his once great relationship with his co-worker and fellow agent, Derek Morgan. He had been willing to overlook the FBI’s rules on fraternization to be with Derek. Not be with. No. To _sleep_ with Derek Morgan. He had _slept_ with Derek Morgan. He had _made love_ with Aaron Hotchner.

Originally, Derek had came on to him. Spencer, of course, reciprocated, following his lead, and letting himself be swept away. But with that came heartbreak, as Derek hadn’t wanted what Spencer wanted. He had only wanted to have friendly sex and leave it at ‘fuck buddies’ as Derek had called it. Spencer had mistaken the softer moments after they had fucked each other senseless as intimacy, when it was really just Derek making sure he didn’t break Spencer. So, when Spencer wanted more, and Derek didn’t, they broke it off and never spoke of it again. Spencer had masked his heartbreak, like every other one before it, by throwing himself into work and retreating into his mind yet again. People around him just thought it was him being introverted again. That he just wasn’t as social again. No one but Derek knew the truth, if Derek even cared.

Spencer was nudged out of his thoughts by the sound of a slamming door. Spencer looked up, finding the room empty but hearing Aaron moving around his spacious apartment, doing god knows what. Spencer’s eyes once again returned to gaze out the window, the city still bustling even at the late hour of the evening. People said Vegas never slept, but neither did D.C. It was too lost in itself to ever truly go to sleep.

Aaron padded back into the bedroom, black boxer briefs extenuating every hard, sharp line of his glorious body. He smiled at Spencer, a warmth in his eyes that Spencer had determined was only reserved for him. Or at least the people he loved. “Do you want to sleep here, or do you want to go home? I know you have work in the morning. I can take you home in the morning and get you to work on time,” Aaron offered, a twinge of hope in his voice. He wanted Spencer to stay with him. To sleep in his bed.

“Don’t you have to get to work?” Spencer asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

Aaron chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m one of the owners of the firm, Spencer. What’s the point of being the boss if I can’t do what I like?” he asked, an amused grin on his face.

Spencer’s jaw dropped open, his shock tangible. Spencer hadn’t researched Aaron. Ever. He had thought about it, but he had decided not to go through with it. He thought he was going to be able to get away from Aaron and all of this, so he had considered it irrelevant. “Y-You’re one of the owners?” Spencer reiterated, still dumb struck by the revelation.

Aaron nodded, laughing fondly and walking around to the other side of the bed to slide into it. “Yes. My name just isn’t plastered every where because I prefer keeping a low profile. The media runs an occasional piece on me or a case I’m working, but I stay more so in the shadows and let my work speak for itself,” he explained nonchalantly.

“Oh…” Spencer said, feeling like an idiot, “u-um… when do you… when do you need to be at work, then?”

“I prefer to be in by 9am so I won’t have to reschedule meetings and such. But I can be in whenever I need to be. I meant what I said, Spencer. You come first.”

“I have to be at work by 8am. I just don’t want to disturb your day or make you uncomfortable. I can take the metro home—” Spencer tried, once again overthinking, those over thoughts pouring out of his mouth via his words.

“Spencer, you’re rambling,” Aaron interrupted, carding his fingers through the damp strands of golden hair.

“Sorry,” Spencer apologized, blushing pink.

Aaron smiled, the smile reaching his eyes. Spencer loved how Aaron seemed to look at him like he was the only person in the world. “It’s alright, sweetheart. I just don’t like when you think my feelings aren’t real or that I will get sick of you and kick you out onto the street. I want nothing more than to protect you. To show you how much I _really_ feel for you.”

Spencer mentally kicked himself for insulting him like that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that your feelings don’t matter, I just…” Spencer trailed off, looking for the correct words to articulate what he felt, “people just get sick of me rather quickly when I… act like me.”

That familiar hardness returned in Aaron’s chocolate eyes, his anger at the thought of that unhidden from the young man. “People that get sick of you are idiots, and that’s all I’ll share about the manner,” Aaron said, suddenly harsh. Aaron felt a wave of anger over the thought of others even getting to get near Spencer, let alone hurt him. He wanted to find those that had broken him and tear them apart limb from limb.

Spencer gulped, feeling apprehensive about the question he was about to ask. Before he could have any doubts, he asked, “why?” He didn’t elaborate any further, he just asked… why?

“Why are they idiots, or why am I not sharing my full opinion?”

“Why aren’t you sharing your full opinion…” Spencer clarified, eyeing Aaron nervously. The hand in his hair barely tightened, a well-worn mask sliding across Aaron’s face, shielding Spencer from reading more of his emotional state and thought process.

“What I want to do to people that hurt you… it isn’t fit to speak of out loud, Spencer,” Aaron explained darkly, rage exuding from every single powerful inch of the older man. Spencer’s eyes widened, but he said nothing further. He just twitched ever so slightly as a cold prick ate at his skin, that possessive tone making him shiver. He wasn’t put off by the dark admission, rather he was pulled in further. And with that, Aaron seemed to go back to his warmer, calmer demeanor, the rage leaving as fast as it had come but no doubt simmering and stewing in the back of his brain. “Do you want to sleep here, sweetheart?” Aaron repeated softly, still carding his fingers threw the messy strands of hazel hair.

Spencer nodded, closing his eyes and slumping more into the bed, “if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind, angel,” Aaron whispered, watching as the man he loved easily drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Ringing woke the two men up. The ringing of Spencer’s phone. He checked the screen, finding JJ’s name and number lit up on the screen, light shining into Spencer’s face, making him grimace. He accepted the call, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Doctor Spencer Reid.”

“Hey Spence. Hate to call you at this hour, but we have another case. A serial killing spree in Maine.”

“Alright. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Bye.”

Spencer hung up, turning over and groaning into the pillow.

“Why the groan, angel?” Aaron asked, voice thick from sleep. If Spencer knew people weren’t being murdered in Maine, he might have taken the initiative and sucked Aaron off to wake him up.

“I have to get up and go to work. New case. Duty calls,” Spencer explained.

“I thought your unit was still tracking me?”

“We were, but this case is urgent. Yours are not. We don’t have enough of a profile built to catch you yet,” Spencer said, reluctantly pulling the sheets back and getting out of bed. Aaron sat up, shifting back to lay against the headboard for a moment.

“I’ll drive you,” Aaron said finally, getting out of bed himself.

Spencer glanced back at him, throwing his shirt on and frantically trying to button it. “No need. Metro.”

“I’m not going to let you take the metro at this hour, Spencer. It’s no problem. I just need to make sure you’re safe,” Aaron rebuked sternly, his control never wavering. Spencer felt a slight twinge of annoyance at that. He wasn’t helpless. He could hold his own, despite what others assumed.

“Aaron, I can take the metro. I’ve done it thousands of times before. Besides, I work for the FBI. The metro should be the least of your worries if my safety is that important to you,” Spencer asserted, taking a tone that rubbed Aaron the wrong way. For once, Aaron opted not to comment on it, or a more accurate description, he decided not to scold Spencer over it.

“Spencer…” Aaron sighed, trying to find a good comeback that would get him his way, but coming up empty.

“Does it really mean that much to you?” Spencer asked, stilling for a moment, and watching his face for any sign of a lie.

But Aaron had never been so serious about something in his life. “Yes. I just want to spend a little more time with you, that’s all. Well, I do want to keep you safe, but I also want to have more time to be with you,” Aaron insisted, as sincere as anyone could be.

Spencer’s steel spine melted into nothing, making him give in. That little statement once again filled his stomach with butterflies and left him bereft. “Ok. If you _want to_ ,” Spencer murmured, turning away again to conceal how hot his face had gone.

Aaron grinned, sauntering over to Spencer, and hugging him from behind. “I very much want to, angel,” he murmured back, kissing Spencer’s temple and then moving away. Spencer huffed, unhappy that Aaron had let go of him, making Aaron raise an eyebrow. “Is there a problem, sweetheart?” he asked, lacking the teasing tone but implying it in his comment.

“You know,” Spencer grumbled, rolling his eyes.

His eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into a sly grin. He sauntered back over, grabbing Spencer once more, but jerking him back into his chest more forcefully, making Spencer yelp in surprise. “Don’t be a brat with me, sweetheart. I don’t tolerate bratty disrespect from needy sluts, understand?” Aaron whispered; his breath hot on the younger man’s neck. The effect he was looking for was instantaneous.

Spencer swallowed, barely nodding his head. “Yes sir.”

“Good boy,” Aaron growled, “now get dressed before I make you late.”

* * *

Spencer walked into the building slightly anxious, his fingers constantly pulling at his collar to readjust it. Purple love bites covered his neck and he had no way to hide them at the moment. He planned on changing clothes using stuff in his go bag, which was stuffed under his desk so he wouldn’t forget it rushing out of his apartment.

He shuffled out of the elevator, praying his co-workers wouldn’t comment on his appearance the second they noticed. He strode into the bullpen, fingers tapping nervously against the strap of his messenger bag. He was already flushing red from embarrassment as he waited for people’s eyes to shift to him. Spencer walked up the short flight of stairs to the conference room, making his way inside where everyone was just starting to sit down or pour themselves a cup of coffee.

“Hey pretty bo—woah. Did you get into a fight with a mountain lion, kid?” Derek asked, shocked amusement painted all over his face.

Spencer shook his head, turning beet red by the second. “No, Morgan, I did not. Just… had a good night, is all. What’s the case?”

Spencer avoided everyone’s eyes during the briefing, although you could tell they were all stealing glances in his direction to inquire about the marks all over his neck. He tried to make sure he didn’t cornered as soon as Gideon ended the briefing, but it didn’t go quite to plan. “Jet leaves in 30 minutes. Don’t be late,” Gideon said shortly, getting up and leaving. Penelope had too much work so she left as well, sternly telling Morgan to get answers for her and fill her in.

JJ and Emily walked out of the congress room together, whispering and snickering to each other as they often did, deciding to let Morgan sort this out.

“So… what’s his name?” Morgan asked, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for an answer.

“How are you so sure it’s a he?” Spencer countered, dancing around the question.

“From the way you’re walking… unless all your female hookups carry strap on’s,” Derek retorted, slightly agitated.

Spencer scowled, “who says it was a hookup?”

Derek scowled this time, scoffing. “C’mon, pretty boy. You haven’t had a legitimate relationship since we met. Best guess says it’s a hookup,” he said, the words coming out harsher than he meant for them to.

Spencer stayed quiet for a minute, his eyes downcast. Derek just waited, jealousy rising in the back of his throat like acidic bile. Finally, Spencer spoke again. “Just because you didn’t want to love me, doesn’t mean that other people don’t, Derek. Just stay out of my business. It’s no concern of yours. It’s not like you have feelings for me anyway,” Spencer spat, striding away.

If he had stayed around just a tad bit longer, maybe he would have heard Derek say, “it’s my concern because I plan on winning you back, pretty boy. Just you wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK what you think! Comments are what motivate me!


	4. Cracked Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter tonight. I didn't know what to write to make it longer. But then again, I don't plan on making this story super long. We'll see. I just needed to write and this is all I could do. anyways, enjoy reading while i cry in the dark to the song of this chapter.
> 
> *tw*: referenced drug usage and addiction. I will not tolerate jokes/derogatory comments about said topic. 
> 
> Song inspo: Love is a Laserquest - Arctic Monkeys.

**_And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you're there?_ **  
**_Or have somebody's goodnight kisses got that covered?_ **  
**_When I'm not being honest, I pretend that you were just some lover…”_ **  
**_-Love is a Laserquest – Arctic Monkeys_ **

* * *

  
Spencer felt agitated as he boarded the jet. Everyone was still staring and making jokes, laughing at his expense. Usually he understood that they were more so laughing with him then at him, but this felt different. He felt like he was just being laughed at, like he was something on display for the entertainment of others. He didn’t sit in his normal seat this time, rather sitting away from the others on his team to regain his composure. Spencer needed to reign in the surge of frustration inside him as well as the overwhelming anxiety.

Spencer honestly wanted nothing more than for a hole to open up in the floor and swallow him whole. Why had Morgan said such a thing? Why had he just jumped to conclusions and insulted him like that? He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, already counting down the days, hours, minutes until he could see Aaron again. Until he could be held by Aaron again. Until he could have some kind of stability without all of the jokes being fired in his direction. Aaron understood him, understood his thoughts and his insecurities. Aaron understood what to do and what to say.

Everyone settled in the plane, talking amongst each other, some about the case, some about Spencer, some about other things. Gideon was the only one who was quiet, the case file in his lap opened as he reviewed the details like he almost always did. Sometimes he would play chess with Spencer, but after Georgia, he didn’t seem to want to anymore. A tremor moved through him, the sudden yet faint stench of burning fish livers filling his nostrils, throwing him back into the nightmare he had survived. The nightmare no one had helped him get through afterwards. He had been left to fix it himself, and he had. But he couldn’t deny he resented his team for just looking the other way.

He glanced over to look at Morgan, finding Morgan’s eyes on him. Morgan had been watching him. Spencer just scowled again and looked away, communicating across the plane that he was still incredibly upset about what Morgan had said. About what Morgan had the audacity to even comment on as though he hadn’t broken Spencer’s heart. Why was is always Spencer that got hurt?

Spencer looked back down at the small portable chess board on the small side table meant for one person rather than multiple. He suddenly felt very tired, the black and white pieces sitting on the chestnut table, waiting for him to set them up and play himself. He didn’t want to play chess. He didn’t want to be here. Spencer stole a glance in Gideon’s direction again, shaking his head as he turned away.

Opening his satchel, he pulled out some paper and a pen he always kept for occasions like this. Occasions when he didn’t want to read or play himself in a game of chess. Occasions when he felt hurt by the very people who said they were his family. _Family_. A word Spencer understood little of. He was no one’s family. No one wanted Spencer in truth. Not even his teammates. If they did, they would have come to his aid after the case in Georgia. They wouldn’t have let him slip further and further through the cracks.

Spencer clicked the end of the pen, beginning to write.

_Dear mom…_

* * *

Spencer was off. Extremely off. At least, that’s what it looked like to his team. Between stolen glances and hushed whispers when Spencer went for yet another coffee refill, they were concerned. It didn’t help that he was a spectacle on legs, local law enforcement officers snickering and teasing the young man relentlessly. Spencer usually brushed it off, but this time… this time was different, and the difference was noticeable. Now when someone sent a less than savory comment his was, he took it, but he clearly deflated a little more each time.

The normal light in those honey colored eyes was gone, dying down each time another comment was sent barreling towards his already cracked shield. But out of ‘professionalism’, no one said anything. They just watched as Spencer continued to drown, sinking deeper and deeper as the minutes ticked by. Spencer looked somewhat hopeful each time someone caught an officer laughing and joking at his expense, but each and every time, the team stayed radio silent. Were they unbothered because they didn’t want to care or because they didn’t know how to? Spencer was too upset to truly discern the difference.

Gideon just watched; his mouth set in a thin, hard line. Usually he would say something to the man privately, but this time he made no efforts to do any such thing. He just watched quietly, ignoring the alarmed looks from his subordinates, and moving forward on the case. Spencer felt like a rubber band that had been stretched too tightly, stretched to the verge of snapping.

Spencer’s feet faltered as he heard yet another hushed whisper coming from the P.D’s break room. It was Derek and JJ. Derek and JJ were talking about him. “Spence has been off today,” JJ whispered, filling her own cup with bitter black coffee.

“Yeah… I’ve noticed. I think I set pretty boy off, but it might be Gideon and all the local guys poking fun at him,” Derek murmured smoothly.

“What do you mean?”

Derek sighed, swallowing a swig of coffee. “I talked to him about the hickies covering his neck and he… he didn’t take it well. I think I hurt his feelings, but I’m hoping he’ll come around.”

“If you hurt his feelings then maybe you should just apologize to him. He looks like he’s gonna break. It doesn’t help that we just ignore the things the locals are saying to him. I feel bad for him…”

“He’ll be alright. Once we get this shit storm over with, he’ll go back to being our boy wonder,” Derek said, chuckling as he took another quick sip of coffee.

Spencer bit his bottom lip, the flood gates threatening to break open as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. God, he felt sick. And he was sick. Sick of the audacity his entire team had to just disregard him and his feelings, like he was some statue carved out of stone. Right now he felt like he was made out of glass. Extremely brittle glass. Spencer rushed away, clutching his midsection as he speed-walked to the nearest men’s room.

Spencer checked each stall, peering inside and then locking the main door like he once did. Like he once did when he managed to find the time to shoot up during cases. The dark circles under his eyes looked darker, his shoulders slumped more than normal. Spencer felt like a dead man walking. In a way he was. That _smell_ returned, making his stomach twist into a tighter knot, bile churning in the deepest pit of his gut.

And the itch returned. That constant _prick, prick, prick_ under his ghostly flesh. The need to reacquaint himself with the familiar high of his drug of choice, of Tobias’s drug of choice: dilaudid. Drug store heroin, as many called it. He craved it. He _needed_ it. God, he _needed_ it.

Spencer wanted to climb higher. Higher into his dreams, tripping as the temporary high put him to sleep, surrounding his mind with pleasant dreams. He wanted to climb higher.

Higher.

_Higher._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave comments and thank you for all the support on this little story. it means a lot <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and tell me what you think! <3


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